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March 16 Zero Blog ViewsThe eccentric/interesting/nice/funny/miscellaneous people Lou and I met yesterday:
There were some other people, like the old woman who couldn't get in the train toilet and tried to force it open (she must have been desperate), but I haven't got a good enough memory! Also, I am addicted to Virtual Villagers. Lucy
xxx March 10 If it sounds as though it might be sarcastic, it probably isBeing the type of person who loves a bit of public affection and delights in reading about the rainbows and butterflies currently muscling their way into other people's relationships (preferably when a large number of string quartets, rose petals and horse shoe confetti* is involved), I somewhat bewilderingly found myself on lovingyou.com. Although I found pretty much most of the website bordering on Absolutely Hilarious (about a 9.5 out of 10), one of my personal favourite pages was the 'Top Tens' section. One of the almost absurd lists was the 'Top 10 Romantic Edibles':
Number 10: Chocolate mousse
Number 9: Indian food (the justification being that it is 'Hot & Spicy :)' - I see)
Number 8: Chinese 'Take-Out' (sadly no justification as to why...)
Number 7: Pizza
Number 6: Ice Cream
Number 5: Fruit PLUS the Romance Staff's favourite ways of preparing fruit in a romantic fashion! (Fruit Cocktail or Fruit Salad, if you were wondering)
Number 4: Fish PLUS the Romance Staff's most romantic fish! (Again, for informational purposes: Oysters, Crab, Shrimp. Any kind you can eat with your fingers!)
Number 3: Chocolate
Number 2: Strawberries (I'm thinking there's some cheating going on with two chocolate entries and two fruit entries). The Romance Staff's favourite ways of eating romantic strawberries? Here:
-With Whipped Cream
-Dipped or Covered in Chocolate (OK make that three entries for chocolate, cheaters) -Above Combined -With Champagne (personally I find champagne tastes how I would imagine urine to taste and only Hitler found that romantic) DRUM ROLL
Number 1: Pasta. Pasta?! If pasta (!) is the most romantic food in the world then I must be the undisputed Queen of the Boudoir by now! Their justification? The Lady and the Tramp. Says it all really.
In other news, I read a book that has seriously affected my mental health. Come on, Iain M. Banks, did you really have to kill them *all*?
Lucy
xxx
*If I rewrote that sentence honestly it would read something like: I like to throw horse shoes at couples. March 05 A blog not on an even dayI'm shamefully and cheekily stealing this (well, the picture is my own at least) from someone else's blog, so I'll admit my rather embarrassing lack of originality straight away. However, due to relative anonymity, I might just get away with it. If the aforementioned blogger does see it, then I hope you don't mind :) The 'What's on your desk?' Photo Quiz!
From the bottom left-hand corner: Report on top of a pile of miscellaneous books etc. (possibly including the Psychology textbook); my mum's black bag on top of another pile of things (a pile that I should probably investigate soon); a painting; some medication; a Gameboy on top of a two address books on top of a book set behind a mirror but in front of the patronising plea I got on my 18th birthday; iPod on top of a box of pens on top of a blue box containing copper coins; a mysterious tin; Remegel; a necklace; an antique holepunch; a less than antique stapler; perfume; money inside the attractive/obese beige purse; invitation to Leah's birthday party; another necklace; a Tube map from 1971; a ruler; and no less than 501 German Verbs. On the wall: a drawing and two paintings by my own fair hand. Another admission: I removed the glass containing slightly mouldy apple juice before taking this photo. Sorry. Lucy xxx March 02 Yesterday was a disasterSaturday 1st March: 10:48 - Arrived at Cambridge train station. The train to Birmingham was cancelled. Damn. 11:15 - Got on the train to London King's Cross. I had to buy another ticket so I could go through London. Damn. 12:05 - Got to London King's Cross. Went to the Northern Line platform, but it was closed. Damn. 12:07 - Went to the Victoria Line platform. Had to queue to get onto the platform as there was no standing room anymore. The queue was 5 people thick. Missed the first train due to overcrowding (and this is the Tube!). Damn. 12:20 - Got to Euston station. No trains unless you want to go to Watford Junction or Hemel Hempstead. Damn. 12:25 - Back on the Tube. 12:40 - Got to Marylebone station. A train is going to Birmingham. Yay! It's in 40 minutes. Damn. 13:20 - Got on the train to Birmingham. Is very packed. Damn. 14:20 - Texted Ben to say I'd be an hour, approximately. Yay! 15:20 - Am sitting very very still in a remote part of nowhere. The train doesn't seem to be going very fast or far. Damn. 16:00 - Arrive in Birmingham. Yay! The time it took to get home, however, gave me a chance to eavesdrop on everybody's conversations. I heard things about Wales, jumble sales, L'Oreal, Madeira, Christmas Eve, bearded tits, the capital of Estonia, Nottingham Trent, winter weddings, the Ministry of Defence, Somerset, nail varnish and somebody's grandmother's funeral. Oh and a man burst into song very enthusiastically as we were pulling into Acock's Green. Lucy xxx February 28 PartiesSo, what can happen in a week?
Thursday - Party at Josie's to celebrate Leah's birthday. We all felt very rebellious sleeping at somebody else's house and drinking on a school night, but slightly ruined the rock star edge by sharing a nice Chinese and falling asleep at midnight. I'm unsure whether the most amusing part was me getting my foot stuck in my pyjama bottoms whilst wearing no underwear and hiding under a sleeping bag, or being the only person feeling totally well the next morning, unlike somebody:
Saturday - Leah's party! Even though I've probably ruined my feet after the 4 hour high heel assault, it was a great night. Leah refuses to admit that she allowed certain males to become acquainted with her bottom (she did), Ben apparently became known as a gay slag with 11 girlfriends (he isn't), and Josie's dress nearly revealed one thing too many during her fantastic dance moves (it didn't). Clearly though, Leah's dad ruled the dancefloor, proving where she gets her skills from. I was in awe. A personal highlight, however, occured afterwards when Leah was going through her photos:
Check me out in the background. Photogenic or what?
Lucy
xxx February 18 My futureOn the school bus home this afternoon, we were joined by a strange and angry lady in a flourescent jacket. She seemed incredibly desperate to make everyone form an orderly queue, pay in the minimal number of coins possible, and walk onto the bus slowly (one by one) as she inspected our faces for any possible sign of trouble making. This lady seemed like the type who enjoys making children and small dogs do as she tells them to, and probably reads books detailing the proper way of setting tables and which is the correct fork to use for the fish course. When nobody took one tiny bit of notice of her, an evil look of administrative revenge passed over her eyes, and I fear she will ruin us all with scathingly composed complaint letters and obscure statistics. She frightened me, but mostly because I know that she's exactly what I'll turn out to be. Eugh.
School's back!
Lucy
xxx
February 16 Fame magnetToday, at around ten to three, I actually nearly bumped into Anneka Rice at the University of Sussex. And yes, I was wearing The Boots.
Move over Gail Porter!
Lucy
xxx February 10 Combovers and bus trampsIt's that time of year again: The Annual English Coursework Library Trip. Kelly S and I sat in the same seat as last year, and however sad that might sound I'm rather proud we remembered! Truthfully though, we may have ended up there whether we remembered it or not, it's the absolute closest we could get to the books without sitting on the shelf. The actual work we were doing isn't very interesting in itself, and unless you really want to know what it was, I'll skip over that. The most important part was that we were sitting next to a man with a shoulder length combover and a leather jacket who was reading books on metalwork. Everytime I glanced him in the corner of my eye (and yes, trust yours truly to have to sit next to the weird guy) he was either looking at us, kneeling down at a shelf (and his knees clicked everytime he did this - the perils of age!), or looking at us a bit more intently than before. I was beginning to get unnerved / feel like he must think I'm his long-lost daughter/student/Thai bride when, to my relief, he started reading his metalwork books properly. Perhaps me and Kelly with a pile of dusty books in between us is a more interesting sight than yet another diagram of a brooch? If that's the case, I forgive him.
On the way home (after the 63 shut its doors in Kelly's face) I think I traumatised a small child for life. You know the type, annoyingly loud and undisciplined kids running riot and gradually persuading you that perhaps having your own might never be an option? Well, he was one of those children, horribly cynical and cruel I may sound about it. Him and his older brother were pressing the bus button over and over and over again, something I cannot actually cope with, and to increase my annoyance no-one was saying a word. So when they ventured onto my end of the bus, to the empty back seat I was sharing quite companionably with an empty can of Carling and a glass bottle, I was reaching the end of my (admittedly short) tether. Sure enough, the boy went to press the button closest to me, so I put my hand over it. His face was a mixture of confusion and cheeky amusement, and was almost endearing. He then tried to force my hand off the button and press it, a game I was not prepared to play. I told him that now wasn't the time to play that game, the bus driver will get really angry if you press it again and will throw you off the bus and make you walk home in the dark alone. He didn't press the button again. I also had to tell his older brother not to put the aforementioned glass bottle in his mouth because I had seen a tramp drink out of it (this part was true). Their mother (I presume) then told them to leave the lady alone and stop being irritating. Hear hear.
Lucy
xxx February 06 Do you prefer sour cream or salsa?I had written a post here but it bored me more than usual. Instead I'll be concise (it makes it easier to proof-read) and say:
(For Miss Bird) I'm up to the chin in heaven, thou standing toad-pool. Lucy
xxx
February 02 This is what you get for drinking custardYesterday I found out that there is a crater on the moon called Mason, which as most of you know is my surname. So naturally I got incredibly excited about this, until Alex Ashford told me it was actually named after the astronomer who discovered it and not me, pouring rather a lot of patronisingly cold water on my happiness and enjoyable pretence at fame.
So upon further research on Wikipedia it turns out both me and Alex Ashford are wrong:
"the crater was named after a teenager named mason cooper aka snowboarding rock god"
So there we have it.
Lucy
xxx January 30 An updateThese are blog posts I do try to avoid, but sometimes you just have to invite people to become as bored of your life as you are.
I owe Mrs Nicholson 5p. Five, petty pence, and simply for the reason I spoke in English in a German lesson. Since when has she upheld this rule? In fact, she speaks just as much English as we do in the space of 50 minutes, so I refuse to pay her money. I needed to speak in English at that particular moment, I was trying to formulate an excuse as to why I still had no essay to hand in, and this is hard when you don't know the German words for 'to save onto a computer' 'incorrectly' 'there is half missing' 'I will bring it tp you tomorrow'. In all honesty, the absent half (I say half, more like three quarters) is missing from pretty much everywhere, including my head. She can either have an essay or a 5p coin, and I know which one I'd rather give.
And I'll leave it there. So much for an update, I know, but the cat has somehow magically managed to get into the house again (since every single door is locked I really am amazed as to how) and I have a suspicion one of them may have had an accident on the utility floor during a disagreement with next door's fat beast.
Lucy
xxx
January 28 Stereotypical student exam theme"From September sixth-formers will begin studying A-level exams which will include a higher grade of A* for those getting marks of 90 percent or above in their papers." "Outside Oxbridge, students will need at least two A* grades and standard A grade to be confident of getting a place at their chosen university." And they say these things are getting easier *rolls eyes* Lucy
xxx January 24 Ladette to LadyI realised after watching this yesterday how rather sad the concept really is. Basically they're taking girls who drink, have sex and have a sense of humour and turning them into 1950s 'ladies'. I agree some of the girls are a bit bratty (like the one who left early) and annoying, but the others are really just girls who party and have fun, and most importantly make me laugh. The humour of the show originates solely from them being disgraceful and winding the fussy old women of the finishing school up, and the flower-arranging, elocution and fine dining has not got very much appeal at all. The main thing that annoyed me about it is that it is just so, irritatingly full of old-fashioned ideals. They're training these girls up to 'bag a Lord' and act like a section of society that is small, out-dated and wasting away along with fox-hunting. The Lords themselves (the infuriatingly named 'eligible bachelors') look suspiciously inbred anyway, and I don't understand why anyone would attempt to impress them, especially not with those eyebrows. The pinnacle of stupidity occurred when the old lady teachers of the school blamed the girls for making the bachelors strip, jump in the river and splash around like fools. Were they sadly led astray by the vicious, common girls? Seems so. Anyway, despite this I'm still going to watch if only to cheer on the bad behaviour of the normal girls and hope their spirit isn't crushed. I think I'm really just bitter about the students being forced to add invisible 'r's to their vowels. The cheek of it. Lucy xxx January 22 Religious TolerancePhew, I feel like a neglectful and evil parent to my blog, and like such parents I will blame outside forces. In this case, The Beast Exam of Psychology. As I said to Lou, no wonder Mrs Lee is like she is, the amount of learning she must have done probably filled her brain up so much there was little room left for sanity.
Andrew Morton recently released (or tried to release, I'm not quite sure) an unofficial biography of Tom Cruise. The 'Church' of Scientology got angry (again) about it, and issued a statement slating Morton, many parts of which I found funny. Here are a few select quotes from their argument:
On Andrew Morton's Unauthorized Biography of Tom Cruise: "his book reads like British tabloid journalism at its worst" - Is not criticising his writing technique a low blow?
On Is Tom second-in-command in all but name?: "The Church has many well-known parishioners such as John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Kirstie Alley, Anne Archer, Jenna Elfman, Lisa Marie Presley, Isaac Hayes, Chick Corea and many, many others. All are well known to be Scientologists" - I think celebrity name-dropping is also a low blow.
On Is it possible Katie and Tom’s baby could be the vessel for L. Ron Hubbard’s spirit? Was Katie impregnated by L. Ron Hubbard’s frozen sperm?: "Mr. Hubbard’s sperm was never frozen." - Well, there you have it!
On Was Isabella’s adoption orchestrated by David Miscavige?: "Morton obviously has no regard for anyone’s feelings" - And you do?
On Do Tom and Katie live by the same rules as other Scientologists? Is it true that Scientologists don’t approve of pregnancy outside of wedlock?: "the encyclopedic reference of the Church, What is Scientology?" - Catchy title!
On Did Scientologists build Tom a wildflower field and a tennis court? - I don't think this needs a quote. The question made me laugh quite enough.
On Bizarre and sensationalized descriptions of this Church property - "The property is not in the desert, it is in an agricultural community" - Sorry. (In fact this section reads like a travel brochure for Scientology Holidays, with an "Exterior view of a section of this 500-acre property")
On Did Scientology find Nicole Kidman to be a potential trouble source in Tom’s life?: "Mr. Cruise did not so much as visit any Church of Scientology due to his film production engagements" - Bitter?
On Does Scientology encourage their members not to speak to their family if they don’t support the religion?: "he only spoke to disgruntled ex-members"
On Are Scientologists taught to harass people who oppose them?: "the one doing the harassing is plain to see and his name is Morton." - Nah nah nah naaaah nah.
On When L. Ron Hubbard died was his body full of Vistaril, a psychiatric drug? If so, how do you explain this?: "the toxicology report clearly states: “Trace of Hydroxyzine (Vistaril).” A “trace of” is not “full of” " - Fair enough.
On Claims by Morton to have engaged in “serious” or “extensive ” research for his book are disingenuous: "Morton is a complete bigot"
Hehe.
Lucy
xxx
January 16 I emerge from the fog of BanduraI don't think I realised until today how difficult it was to summarise a whole play in fifty words. Believe me it is. And then I discovered it was even harder to summarise it in ten words, and at five words it bordered on the ridiculous. However, it is even harder to summarise a whole play in fifty words without writing the letter 'e'. Do you realise how often we use that letter? In this blog so far I have used 37 'e's (please do correct me if I'm wrong, 37 is probably the most nightmarish number for me being as I can't write either digit without thinking very hard), and that is rather a lot in two and a half lines!
This is why 'Gadsby', a story without the letter 'e' in it by Ernest Vincent Wright has provoked in me a new level of admiration.
Lucy
xxx January 12 Stalker storiesIt's amazing how many things become urgent when you're avoiding revision. Today I did something I haven't done for a seriously long time: started and finished a book in one day. The novel itself was Blast from the Past by Ben Elton, and despite reading very mixed reviews about it, it kept my attention for longer than most. It was a nice change to read something not entirely academic and just an exciting page-turner. Sure, the story had a thinly veiled political overtone (angry feminist / pacifist and conservative army man strike up heated relationship) that was a bit annoying in some parts (especially if you like books to be about characters) but I enjoyed it. I think it tried to tick too many boxes: love, obsession, war, politics, political correctness, sex, poverty, disillusionment, ambition etc. etc. Still, better than Batson's empathy-altruism model.
It reminded me though of another story that focusses on stalking and obsession (in a better way, if I'm truthful). The Collector by John Fowles is one of the best books I've read thus far, and if this post is nothing else apart from a recommendation for that novel then I'll be satisfied. A much more believable main female character, too.
Lucy
xxx January 10 Gave me gear, thank you dear, bring your sister over here"Tradition granted goldsmiths a special status as craftsmen. During the early Middle Ages they worked only for the church and for rulers, who were thought to rule by the authority of God. The most famous 13th-century goldsmith was a monk. In some Catholic regions the prestige enjoyed by goldsmiths may have survived to this day. A play published in 1960, for example, contains the figure of a goldsmith with highly unusual abilities and a particularly piercing gaze, a "marvellous" maker of wedding rings. "My gold balance", he explains, "does not weigh metal but the life and lot of human beings..." The play, entitled "The Goldsmith's Shop", was even turned into a film. Its author, Karol Wojtyla, became Pope John Paul II."
from What Great Paintings Say, Rose-Marie & Rainer Hagen.
"Is it because you meditate?"
Mrs Lee when I said I am a lucid dreamer.
Lucy: "Oh Catholicism is so funny, I love Popes!"
Mr Flaxman: "Sadly they can't reciprocate."
"Ha look at this: 'Can Bourbon biscuits help to conceive a baby?'"
Mr Flaxman, in our History lesson.
"Ooh this is my type of website: www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com"
Mr Flaxman, in our History lesson again.
Lucy
xxx
P.S. Andy refused to shave during exams and now has a
January 08 I wonder...To make scones what type of flour do you use? Plain?
Lucy
xxx
EDIT: An anorak, a basketball, a coat, Dracula, an egg, fishfingers, a greenhouse, Haribo, ink, jewellery, a Kraftwerk CD, Lucozade, my mum, noodles, an organ, a prosthetic nose, something queer, rhubarb, Scrappy (Josie's dog), teabags, a ukelele, Vera, a wet wipe, xenophobia, I CAN'T REMEMBER Y AND Z, an anteater, bacon, a church, Diana's body and an emo.
EDIT x2: Y and Z are a yeti and a zip, thanks to Josie for this. You win the game! |
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